Ten Tips For Getting What You Want From Life 

1.  Get over anger, blame or helplessness.  Even if we have been hurt or abandoned by others, when we begin to manage our own behaviors, finances, work, health and relationships, our daily life begins to reflect who we are and what we value.

2.  Find your own voice.  Past relationships, where you were an unequal partner, may have left you unsure of yourself or reluctant to express your feelings in present relationships.  Learning to voice your preferences, both positive and negative, in the moment will move you toward more honest living and loving.

3.  Banish myths about relationships.  We are, after all, just human and so are the people we love.  There is no Perfect Mate or all-knowing friend who will meet our every need. However, there may be someone who can accept our real self (if we are brave enough to reveal who that is).

4.  Identify your personal strengths and interests and put time and energy into nourishing them.  If you are a singer, sing.  If you are a great accountant who has not been using your skills, manage some money.  Write, be a caregiver, build something.  Whatever it is that you do well, do it frequently and proudly.  Rewards will follow.

5.  Learn to say “NO”.  Set limits with people.  Know when you have done enough.  Saying “NO” is not the same as being selfish. Learning to say “No” clearly and kindly, eliminates the resentment that comes from saying “Yes” when you do not mean it.

6.  Get into action.  Take small steps to move toward what you want.  Choose one action per day to move you closer to whatever you desire:  make the first phone call, look over your resume, or organize your closet.  We usually know the end result we want, but we often fail to take the first step.

7.  Create balance in your life.  If any one area of life is consuming all your time, look at small ways to make a shift.  Do you need to cut back on work?  Be more productive at work?  Initiate more social contacts?  Spend more time with family or spend more time on yourself? Often when our lives get out of balance, our bodies respond with physical illness.

8.  Examine your beliefs about how things “should” be.  Do these reflect what you truly believe and know, or are they remnants of what you learned and absorbed from your family of origin?  It is hard to live authentically if we are living by someone else’s rules or feeling discouraged for not having the life we “should.”

9.  Try living without masks.  Whoever you are is fine.  If you find yourself changing to fit in with others, you are not living authentically.  People will love the real you if you will just let them see who that is.

10. Be okay alone.  Take the time to discover yourself and nourish your spirituality.  Treasure the moments of self-reflection and peace that flow from reconnecting with your soul.

© by Mary DuParri, MA, LPC.  I encourage sharing Authentic Living in whole or in part if copyright and attribution are always included.