Parts of Self Are Really Trying To Help
Are there parts of
yourself that you do not like? Do you
sometimes wish that you did not have an angry part or a shy part or some other part that
gets in the way of you being who you want to be? Do you feel, at times, that you have been hijacked by your emotions or
that you are reacting to things in extreme ways that do not reflect who you really are?
Most of us have
parts like that. We have parts that may be
triggered by circumstances, by other people or by issues from the past.
We have parts that silence us though we say we want to be assertive.
We have parts that help us stay unnoticed though we feel lonely. We have parts that push us so hard to work and be successful that we
barely have time for fun. Or, parts that push
so much toward fun that we have a hard time following through and being successful at work
or school. We have parts of self that worry
too much and get anxious, or parts that get angry or sad more often than we like.
We have parts of that cry too much, eat or drink too much or sleep too much.
Many of us try
numerous ways to get rid of these negative parts of ourselves. We try ignoring them. We
try distracting ourselves with positive thoughts or activities.
We set personal goals and create steps to reach them.
We get motivated and focused and decide that once and for all we are going to
overcome our negative traits. And somehow,
the traits keep coming back.
Do you wonder why,
though we are smart and well intentioned, we cannot get rid of these negative parts of
self? It is because the parts are trying to
help us and they will not go away until they are certain that we are okay.
They are not trying to make us anxious or sad or fat.
They are trying to protect us from harm or diminish some hurt and trying to remove
them is like trying to remove a SWAT team before the danger is past. They will not go
away. So, instead of silencing or banishing
these parts, what if we began to understand them?
What if we tried to figure out the internal messages to see how they are trying to
help? As parts of self are more understood by us, they take less extreme roles in our
lives and begin to serve as internal advisors rather than hijacking our emotions and
behavior.
Take a look at the
following ways that a so-called negative part may be trying to help.
Though these examples may not ring true for you, use the list as a springboard to
examine your own parts of self, to ask how they are trying to help and to become more open
to your own internal wisdom.
When
we realize how these parts of self are trying to help, we become more accepting of them.
We become like a collaborative team with our parts of self instead of either
denying them or being overshadowed by them.
For
more information on parts of self and Internal Family SystemsSM see: www.selfleadership.org
© by Mary DuParri, MA, LPC. I encourage sharing Authentic Living in whole or in part if copyright and attribution are always included.