Already
Missing You
As
our children graduate and move toward independence, we face the bittersweet emotions of
transition. We are glad that they are going,
but not that they will be gone.
Whether
the
graduation is from preschool, kindergarten, elementary, middle or high school, the
developmental milestones of our children touch us with a sense of pride and
accomplishment. However, they also touch us with a sense of loss. For, as our children
move to a new phase of life, we realize the times that will never be again.
I
remember calling my mother after I had dropped off my youngest son at his first day of
preschool. “The house is so empty,” I
said. “My baby is growing up.”
Of course we laughed that there was little time to talk, because it would soon be
time to pick him up again. But I could not
erase the feeling that life had changed. And
I called my mom because I needed someone to make a notch with me on my lifeline that said:
First Day of Preschool.
Parents
of high school seniors sometimes start making the notch early.
Teary-eyed they say to me “I could hardly watch knowing it was his last
basketball game in that gym.” Or, “Maybe next year she won’t make it home on her
birthday.” Before they are gone, we find
ourselves already missing them. It can happen
when our preteens refuse to walk with us at the mall, or when our kindergartner says he is
big enough to go into school alone. While
these small glimpses of the future make us feel successful as parents, they also tug at
our hearts, and for some cause anxiety or sadness
Two
things occur to me about already missing them. First, we should.
Meaningful times from our children’s lives should
translate into tender memories for us. And,
whether they are beginning preschool for three hours a day, or moving across the country
for college, the fact is that they will be in our lives less than before, and we will miss
them. If however, we stay too focused on the losses, we will be missing the moments that
today brings. You know the ones: reading
together, having dinner, complaining about socks on the floor, and rushing out to buy
poster board for a project. These moments
that look trivial are the very ones we miss when they are over, so instead of missing
them, dive in and take part.
Secondly,
if we want lasting relationships with our children, it is up to us to build them. That
means that some of the time, not always, but sometimes, we must be able to be with them
without “parenting.” We need to refrain
from giving advice, criticizing, recommending or questioning.
We must meet our children at their level. Hang
out with them. Get on the floor with the toddlers and watch movies with the teens. At
every age we should give our children the respect that we wish to receive from them. If
our relationships with our children grow as they do, we will not lose them, for there will
be an ongoing connection that will endure even when hours and miles intervene.
© by Mary DuParri, MA, LPC. I encourage sharing Authentic Living in whole or in part if copyright and attribution are always included.